Drug Story

Memoir of a Heroin Addict

A hazy plume of smoke still hung throughout the room as I drifted back into my mind. I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten and, as this fact crossed my mind, the thought of food made me want to vomit.
“Zack,” I uttered to the unconscious lump slouched on the couch next to me. He grunted and curled up tighter. Satisfied that he was still alive, I was overcome with an urgent thirst. I struggled to my feet and made my way to the kitchen across the room. I still had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there, but at the moment my only concern was to get some water.
In the kitchen, the sink seemed to be stopped up because it was full of rancid brown water. I managed to find a dirty glass in the dimming daylight but when I turned on the faucet, nothing came out. Undoubtedly, someone had failed to pay the water bill in this dive and now, here I was dying of thirst.
In utter desperation, I dipped the glass in the brown water and held it to my nose. There seemed to be no smell, though thinking about it now, there was probably a smell that pervaded the entire apartment. Left with no other choice, I held the dirty glass to my lips and tossed it back and forced down the brown sludge. My body reacted violently as I let go of the glass, letting it fall to the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces. I hunched over the sink heaving, the sight of the murky water only seemed to make my body reject it even more. However, there was nothing in my stomach but brown bile, left to drip into the water and slide down my cheek.
I sat on the floor next to the sink wiping away the tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t know if they were from the vomiting or the fact that I had brought myself to such a place. I had grown up a happy kid who loved sports and had good parents. My older brother had gotten busted for pot a few times so when it happened to me, my parents’ were determined not to go through it again. They shipped me off to rehab the summer I turned fifteen and that’s where I met Zack. He was in for doing hard drugs and he looked like hell going through withdrawal but we hit it off and we made plans to get together on the outside when all of this was over. I met him at a party one night several months after rehab. He had a couple of girls with him and they seemed enthusiastic to meet me, which was something I was not used to.
“I got some smack,” he said, laying a needle on the table in front of us. “You’ve got to try it, man. It’s a rush.”
I was reluctant but did it anyway. The girls seemed into it and I didn’t want to ruin my chances with them. As it turned out, heroin was a rush – a glamorous thrill ride with a euphoric sense of power and sex with beautiful girls. The trouble was that it didn’t stay that way. I began meeting Zack after school to do heroin. I’d show up at home hours later, wired out of my brain. My parents caught on quickly, especially when the money began to disappear. They tried to get me back into rehab but I didn’t want to go through that again. After all, the first time had been the cause of all of this and that made it their fault.
Soon, I stopped going home altogether. When Zack got kicked out, we took our party downtown, staying in flophouses like this one whenever we could. Sitting there by the sink, I wondered if it was these memories that were causing the tears. No matter, I thought to myself. If I could just get a little higher, the situation would be perfect. At that, I struggled to my feet and walked over to the couch, where the needle sat on the floor. As I filled the needle with heroin and carefully placed it into my black and torn arms I began to feel slightly human. As I pushed the needle down I could feel the warmth of the drug enter my body it didn’t matter where I was or what was happening as long as I was being cuddle by lady heroin. I woke up on the floor next to a carpet that was soaked in vomit I wasn’t sure if it was mine or if it was one of the many tenants that lived in the house. I wasn’t able to recall the last 24 hours or even the week. I went to the bathroom to wake myself out my daze and find Zack to get some food. I looked at the dirty cracked mirror to see my sullen body and the odd red spots that were forming around my face I was falling apart. I found Zack were I had previously seen him and started to push and shove until his seeming lifeless body woke up.
“ Dude,” he said a little groggy as he tried to recognize who was staring down at him.
“It’s me Paul you sack of shit, get up were getting food.” I said as I pushed Zack up and near the direction of his torn red and black converse.
“Fuck, how long have I been out?” Said Zack as he struggled to get up and walk around.
“What time is it?” I asked as we walked towards the door and passed a women lying on the floor.
“I think it’s about 1:30” Said Zack as he looked at his watch and turned the knob on the door.
“In the Morning because there are two 1:30’s” I asked as the light from the outside burned the back of my eyes.
We didn’t say anything but we both knew we were heading towards a place on 493 and Ruth. I always wondered what people thought of us when they saw Zack and me walk down the street. I always thought we looked like characters from a Tim Burton movie like Nightmare before Christmas. We were frail and our clothes only hung on to our bodies our faces were pale and our eyes were sunken in. We looked like Jack Skellington.
“Hey have you seen the movie Two Days with Paul Rudd.” Said Zack as we turned the corner.
Before I could answer Zack butted in again “Sarah and I were discussing the ending of the movie.” Said Zack as we entered the old run down restaurant on 493 and Ruth and sat down.
Zack doesn’t know anyone named Sarah it’s just one his odd attempts to introduce a new topic of conversation.
“Well if you haven’t seen the movie let me fill you in on the details.” Said Zack as he stared at the menu and took sip of his complementary water.
I didn’t have the energy to tell Zack that I didn’t give a shit about Paul Rudd or his thoughts on his movie subject.
“The movie is about Paul Rudd playing a failed actor who isn’t getting any work and is life is fucked up. So he decides to audition for one last part and awhile he waits he films his last days before he commits suicide if he doesn’t get the part in the film.” Said Zack as he looked out the window looked at the people who were passing by.
The last thing I wanted to do today was listen to Zack rant about a topic I had no interest in, all I wanted to do was eat and go score some more heroin because we were running low.
“Why do eat here this place is disgusting. I would rather eat at Arby’s then here let’s go somewhere else.” Said Zack as he put the menu down and pulled out a pack of Marlboro Reds.
I called the waiter over and we began to order our food.
“I’ll have a cheese burger with a Dr. Pepper.” I said as a looked at Zack to make his decision.
“I’ll just have water with a side of lemons.” Said Zack as he light his cigarette and took a drag.
“So at the end of the movie I was telling you about Paul Rudd find himself in the hospital after someone stops his first suicide attempt. He wakes up and sneaks out of the hospital and walks to the beach and into the ocean and the movie ends,” said Zack as he watched the waiter put down our drinks.
“Did you see that? He only gave us water and he didn’t even mention anything about the fucking lemons.” Said Zack as he waved the waiter over once again and took a drag from his cigarette.
“I don’t mean to be a jerk but you forgot the lemons I ordered.” Said Zack as pointed at his water and put his cigarette out on the table ashtray.
“Back to what we were talking about a lot of critics think that at the end of Two Days during beach scene Paul Rudd actually commits suicide when walks into the water. A lot of critics say that the ocean symbolizes the world and how it was too big for Paul Rudd.” Said Zack as he placed the lemons into the water and took a sip.
“I respectfully disagree with the critics during the beach scene I think it’s a symbol of rebirth then death. I think the ocean symbolizes the world and how big and vast it is and how much Paul Rudd has to explore so when he goes into the ocean and the waves wash over him it’s like a rebirth.” Said Zack as he finished of the water and started to eat the lemons in the water.
“Wow man that’s deep man, but I don’t really give shit what I do care about is where can we get our next fix.” I said as I finished my meal and gestured for the check.
“The movie got me thinking about my life and shit. I remember when we were back in rehab when had do those seminars on why we did drugs.” Said Zack as pulled a crumpled five dollar bill and laid it on the table.
“Yeah I remember those crappy seminars why what’s it to you?” I said as I put a three one dollar bills on the table.
“Fuck it never mind. Am just thinking about why we do what we do.” Said Zack as we left the restaurant and headed back to the flop house.
“I know the answer cause it feels good and we like good now let’s get that next fix.” I said as we counted the remaining bills in our pocket.